Two months ago, I started the semester with a whole new batch of students.
It was Day 3, and I was doing one of my critical-thinking activities where I have students use information from a previous exercise to have them answer a question they’d never seen before.
So I called on a student I felt confidence could work the answer out.
And she froze.
She claimed she couldn’t do it.
I knew she could. Perhaps if I walked her through it, gave her a little guidance.
But she refused.
Then she began to get upset.
I knew I was at the breaking point. I could push her, try to make her work the problem out. Or I could move on.
To avoid potentially embarrassing her, I moved on. I felt terrible. I wanted her to see just how brilliant she is. But she didn’t have the confidence in that moment.
I spoke to her after class, and she confirmed exactly what I thought. She didn’t think she was smart. She felt inadequate academically. And she was afraid of embarrassing herself.
I knew this wasn’t true. But that didn’t matter in the moment.
All that mattered was what she believed.
Fast-forward two months.
Just last week, we came to the same crossroads. Same type of exercise. She said she couldn’t do it. I told her I was confident she could.
And we reached that same breaking point.
This time, I pressed on. I called her by name, and I said, “I believe in you. You can do this.”
And she did.
Her response wasn’t perfect.
But it was pretty stinkin’ good.
The difference? We had a relationship. She trusted me.
And because of that, she believed what I said.
As a teacher and a coach, I have a reputation of being hard on people. When students first get to know me, they don’t always respond well.
Because who likes to be pushed by someone they don’t know?
Over years of teaching, though, I’ve learned that building that relationship first is foundational. That I can get so much more out of students and athletes when they trust me first.
This seems obvious, but what isn’t so obvious is how we establish those relationships.
Up until two years ago, I would start the year by reading my syllabus to the class and going over classroom expectations. I cringe thinking about it now, but that’s what I understood to be a good first-day activity.
It’s not.
Now, my students do a two-day exploration of Spanish culture and language, and I merely float around the classroom, talking with students about what they’re experiencing and enjoying.
Between classes, I use to stress about getting ready for the next bell, so I’d run around, getting copies out and making sure my materials were in order.
Now I don’t just wait at my door for students and high five them, I walk the halls between classes, high-fiving students along the way. I ask them how their weekend was, and I genuinely listen.
I’ve still got a lot to learn. There are so many teachers who do it better than I.
But I’m growing.
And one success gives me the confidence to keep connecting with students. So the next time I push a student to be his or her best, they’ll trust me and reach even higher.