As we head into Covid’s Junior Year, the idea of a New Year’s Resolution probably seems as absurd as ever.
After all, if there’s one thing we’ve learned the past two years, it’s that we know nothing.
Nothing of what this year will hold for us, what life will look like, or what cultural flashpoints will dominate our society (and social media and emotions).
But let’s face it, we all have behaviors we want to change in 2022.
Odds are? Ain’t gonna happen.
Millions of Americans just made a resolution to change something in their lifestyle.
Yet this tradition has become as much satire as it is meaningful (just Google “New Year’s Resolutions Memes”).
On average, a New Year’s resolution will last 12 days.
How are you doing with yours?
It’s not that these resolutions are bad ideas or unimportant. The reason they don’t stick? The emphasis is grounded in starting or stopping an action, not re-establishing a value in a person’s life.
First, a little quiz. How many of the ten most popular resolutions can you name? I’d bet quite a few. Here they are:
- Get fit and healthy
- Lose weight
- Enjoy life more
- Spend less, save more
- Spend more time with family and friends
- Get organized
- Don’t make resolutions
- Learn a new hobby
- Travel more
- Read more
All of those resolutions have two things in common: 1) They’re noble goals; and 2) They’re all behaviors. And if there’s one thing all humans are terrible at, it’s changing behavior.
To make your resolution stick, instead, try this: Make a list of values, not behaviors.
Values can help us identify what’s really important. Then, when faced with a decision, let your value drive which path you choose.
This might look something like:
- “I value feeling healthy, because I enjoy running around with my kids.”
Or
- “I value my family, because they’re my best support system.”
Or
- “I value positivity in my life, because hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time.”
After making a list of values (and why you have those values), then make a list of the things that keep you from experiencing those values. Again, examples:
- “I watch three hours of television a day. I could give up one of those hours to exercise.”
- “I work 60 hours a week. I could focus less on my profession and more on my personal relationships.”
- “Social media makes me anxious / bitter. I could give up time on social media to maintain better emotional / mental health.”
In doing this, you can identify negative behaviors you can replace with positive behaviors (instead of just trying to add a positive behavior or remove a negative one). You may also realize that your values aren’t what you think they are (“I actually value advancing my career over maintaining family relationships”). Upon that realization, you don’t have to feel guilty about failing at a resolution you really have no need to keep.
There’s a lot of research and money pouring into what makes certain behavior changes stick.
Which is awesome. There’s a lot of wisdom in that.
But at the end of the day, sticking to your values will promote the best version of you that you could hope for.